


Everything goes to hell

by Hello_Trash



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel Whump, Dean is nice to Cas in our world, Destiel - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, MAJOR PLOT SPOILERS SEASON 15, Mostly just creepy vibes but it's better to put a tag here jus to be sure, Mutual Pinning, Supernatural - Freeform, Uhm, Working for a happy ending though, kind off, more angst and then good things and then more angst, not a really slowburn, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-04-07 20:07:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21492541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hello_Trash/pseuds/Hello_Trash
Summary: Dean and Sam start to worry about Castiel’s  whereabouts after his fight with Dean.  They go to search for him but things get really complicated really fast.Aka my desperate attempt to fix things but somehow making it worse along the ride.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 19
Kudos: 56





	1. The aftermath of a fight

‘’So, still no word from Cas?’’ Dean asked for the fourth time that day as he walked down the stairs.  
He went to get some gas for the impala and had picked up burgers on his way back.

He didn’t know if he could stomach them now though.  
  
‘’Still nothing. I’m starting to get worried.’’  
  
‘’Yeah, me too.’’  
  
Dean had been worried.  
He was worried that Cas had enough of Dean’s bullshit and would turn his back on him forever.  
He’d been way too hard on him and only realised this a few days after.  
But he’d been so mad.  
Everything always goes to hell at the same time and Dean had blamed it all on Cas.  
Which wasn’t fair.  
And he should’ve stopped him when he’d walked away.  
But now Cas was moving on…  
What the hell did that even mean?  
That was a red flag for sure.  
  
‘’Still, I can’t blame him.’’  
  
‘’What?’’

‘’You know how he felt about Jack. Imagine how hard it must’ve been to kill Belphegor.’’

Shit, Dean hadn’t even thought about that.  
  
‘’Well, he was a Demon. Not Jack.’’

‘’Yeah, a demon in Jack’s body.’’

‘’But can’t Angels and Demons see each others real forms or some shit?’’

‘’You said Cas mentioned his powers were failing. Besides, he once told me that it’s more of a tune on tune off kinda thing, and he doesn’t like looking at Demons their real form.’’  
  
Dean often wonders what Cas’s real form looks like.  
‘’Why does he never tell me things like that?’’

‘’Because you don’t ask.’’  
  
Ouch, that one hurts. But Sam had a point.

‘’I really fucked up with, didn’t I?’’ Dean asks after he took a big gulp from his beer.  
  
‘’Yeah, you did.’’

‘’He’s strong though. He can take it.’’

‘’No Dean. That doesn’t mean that you got to shove all your problems on him like that.  
He’s got feelings too, they’re just more difficult for him to understand. And I know it seems like he’s been with us forever now, but we’re just a small part of his long life, and he’s new to this.’’

‘’But mum-.. ‘’  
  
‘’He made a mistake. Jack was his son. I would’ve done the same.’’  
  
‘’It’s mum!’’

‘’And he’s Cas! You remember him? The guy has always been there for us, and she hasn’t. Yes, I loved her too. And yes of course her death hurts. But Cas is family too.’’

‘’Okay. No. You’re right. It’s time for me to make things up to him. I should go talk to him.’’  
  
Sam smiled.  
  
‘’Finally.’’ He muttered under his breath.

‘’What?’’

‘’Nothing.’’

____________

Castiel has been wandering around for a few days.  
He wanted to help people, but his powers were low and soon he would be the one needing help.  
  
His feet were aching, and he was tired.  
Not only psychically, but also mentally.  
  
He couldn’t believe the things that Dean had said to him.  
He knew he’d messed things up with Mary.  
And he couldn’t even think about Jack.  
  
But he would’ve never guessed that he would mess things up with Dean too.  
It felt good though.  
Some of those things he had bottled up for years.  
Because this bond wasn’t broken in one night.  
He’d felt it coming for a long time.  
  
Maybe he was just too naive to accept it, but it had been there. Lurking in the shadows.  
Dean was really good at messing with his feelings.  
And although he felt good about the way he handled things because for once in a very long time he’d stood his ground.. he wanted Dean to call him back, to apologise and talk it out over a beer.  
  
He didn’t know what to do.  
Normally he would desperately turn to god. He would never voice it but somehow his father would help him get his thoughts straight and make him feel safer. Even though he never replied.  
  
But now even Chuck had let him down.  
  
Castiel stopped to sit on a bench.  
He couldn’t keep walking without a direction.

‘’You’re seeking guidance Castiel?’’  
  
Castiel remember that voice.  
But it couldn’t be..  
No.

He turned his head to look at the figure that was now sitting next to him on the park bench.  
  
‘’Uriel?’’


	2. The famous spanner in the works

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so a few disclaimers: 
> 
> *This is a fix it, I am up to date with supernatural but after 15x03 won't be following the original storyline since I DO NOT AGREE WITH IT :)
> 
> *I'm not American. I am lesbian. No but for real, I'm dutch. So if I make any typo's uhhh.. yeh you can blame me. I re-read my fics myself but probably won't notice them until I've finished this fic and one day decide I want to laugh at myself. :) 
> 
> *Comment and Kudos are really appreciated! I love to hear what you guys have to say <3  
And don't be afraid to ask questions! I will answer but won't spoil the plot because I too have no idea where this is going next.

Castiel jumped up from the bench, his angel blade ready and aimed at what he considered his brother and adviser a long time ago.  
  
‘’Brother…’’ Uriel put his hands in the air, but a grin formed on his face.  
  
‘’Don’t call me that.’’ Castiel hissed, not lowering his weapon.  
  
He looked over Uriel’s shoulders.  
‘’Are you alone? How are you still alive?’’

‘’You know who resurrected me or you would’ve put that question in front of the other.’’  
  
‘’Answer me.’’

‘’Castiel, who gives so much to his so called _family_, abandoned and alone. It seems fitting doesn’t it?’’

‘’I’m not abandoned.’’

‘’Yeah, I thought you would say that. But Dean didn’t call you back when you left… or did he?’’  
Uriel said as he kept inching closer.

‘’Stop.’’  
  
‘’What are you going to do? Kill me? Don’t you think that would be a bit of an deja vú?’’  
  
‘’You know I’m not afraid.’’  
  
‘’Owh Castiel.. ‘’ Another voice appeared behind him.  
He knew this one all too well too.  
  
‘’You should be.’’  
Castiel turned around but before he had the change to react, hot white pain shot through his head and the last thing he heard was his own shout before everything went black.  
  
‘’Zachariah, he brought you back too?’’  
  
‘’Seems like he was very interested in Cassie’s best hits.’’  
  
‘’Serves him right. This one really went off the rails didn’t he?’’  
  
‘’I’ts a shame. He had so much potential.’’  
  
‘’It’s going to be fun watching him fall apart.’’

‘’Woah, Uriel, I’m sensing you’re holding a bit of a grudge against poor old Castiel?’’  
  
‘’Oh, brother. You have no idea.’’

  
‘’Let’s bring him up, I’m sure dad wants us to enjoy the show, seeming as we brought him his favourite renegade angel.’’

________________  
  
  
  
‘’So, nobody has seen Cas...’’

‘’Not in this town. But we can move on to the next. His car has been through here for sure.’

  
‘’That’s going to take us forever! What if he needs us now?!’’  
  
‘’Dean, leaving the bunker was his own decision.  
He’s been on his own before, he’s fine.’’  
  
Dean knew Sam was right, but that didn’t stop the feeling in his gut telling him something was wrong.

‘’Last time he was own he got stabbed.’’

‘’But he got out of It fine.’’  
  
‘’After Gadreel resurrected him that is. And this time, we probably won’t be as lucky.’’  
  
Dean really hated thinking about that entire experience, he remembered thinking he had lost Cas for good.  
  
Cas storming off was the last straw, they needed to talk.

Dean needs to tell him.. before something goes wrong.

‘’I’m telling you Sam, something is wrong. Even if he is still mad at me, he would’ve texted or called you by now.’’  
  
‘’Okay, I get that you’re worried. But we have to be careful, if something happened to Cas- and that’s a big if.. it probably has something to do with Chuck. And for Cas’s sake, we’ll have to be careful. ‘’  
  
‘’You’re right!’’

‘’Wait- i’m… what?’’

‘’Chuck has something to do with this!’’  
  
‘’Uh.. yeah.. just as like, everything…’’ Sam frowned.  
‘’…Where are you going with this?’’  
  
It didn’t take Dean long to piece two and two together.  
Normally it was Sam to figure out things like this.

But maybe he knows Cas better.  
At least, it always seemed like Cas could open up better to Dean.  
Which Dean always found kinda strange because emotions and fluffy duffy feelings are Sam’s specialty.  
Or maybe Cas did also share his doubts with Sam.  
It didn’t matter now, all that matters is that Dean figured out where Chuck would take Cas to make him suffer the most.

‘’Prepare yourself dude, we’re storming heaven.’’  
  
‘’Again?’’

_______________  
  
  
Castiel woke up in a familiar chair.  
His hands were cuffed to the chair, as were his ankles. Just like last time.  
Panic mixed with the confusion he felt.  
Then he remember what had happened that got him here and tried to relax.

He was not going to show his ex superiors he was scared.  
  
He wanted to say something witty and smart but his tongue wouldn’t move.  
  
‘’Hello Castiel.’’  
  
So he’d been right.  
He hoped he wasn’t, but of course the one time he wanted to be wrong, his gut had told him it was his deceiving father, and he’d been right.  
  
His mouth tried to form another sentence but again nothing came.

  
‘’Owh, yeah sorry about that.’’ Chuck snapped his finger and Castiel instantly felt his jaw relax.  
  
‘’You mutter in your sleep, it was distracting me.’’  
  
Castiel huffed.  
‘’If you didn’t want me to be making noises. I wouldn’t have been making noises. I think you made your place and status quite clear.

‘’Well, with all the other celestial or human beings, It does seem to work that way.. you.. not so much.’’

  
‘’I’m sorry?’’ Castiel frowned.  
  
‘’Well, Noami got the script from someone Cas. You are the famous spanner in the works. You don’t work.. right.’’

  
‘’You’re saying I’m broken.. ?’’  
  
‘’No! No! You’re still made by me. You’re just… how do I say this.. I wanted you to represent freedom. And by doing so I accidentally made you too free, I don’t have much power over you. I can steer you in one direction, but it doesn’t mean you will follow it. You weren’t meant to save Dean, and you certainly weren’t meant to fall in love. But I couldn’t write you out.’’  
  
‘’Wait- I don’t understand. If you didn’t want me to be in the Winchesters story.. then why did you keep resurrecting me?’’

‘’Because I grew fond of you Castiel, I still am.’’  
  
‘’Then let me go.’’

  
‘’So you can go back to the Winchesters and die?’’

‘’What?’’

‘’The empty. It will take you.’’

‘’No, it won’t.’’  
  
‘’Yes it will…’’

‘’No it will only come when-…’’

Chuck turned his back to Castiel. His shoulders grew tense and Castiel could see he needed a moment to calm down before he continued.  
  
‘’Don’t. Interrupt. Me. Okay? I’m your father. You will listen to me. Or I will cut your tongue out of your mouth and we will see how free you can be without words.’’

Castiel swallowed.  
He got to see another part of Chuck. And he didn’t want to figure out what would happen if you got on this wrong side.  
  
‘’Dean will confess his love if you go back. And you will too and you will be happy and die.’’  
  
Cas’s eyes became wide, and he was sure he would’ve cried if he wasn’t already in such a vulnerable position.  
  
‘’Don’t be so happy. I won’t let it go there.’’'  
  
Of course not.  
Castiel was not destined to have the one thing he wanted most in life.

But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t try to go and get it.  
Chuck had less control over him. He was going to break out of here, and talk with Dean.

‘’So do you remember this chair?’’

Cas eyed Chuck.

‘’When I’m asking you a question you can answer.’’  
  
‘’..Yes.’’

‘’You became human here. Right?’’

‘’Uhh.. well. Yes. Although I was close to being one a few times.’’

‘’Good.’’

  
‘’Why is that good?’’

‘’Because it’s poetic. You became human here for the first time, and you will become human here for the last time. Uriel, Zachariah, guard him. Do not _touch_ him. I will be back shortly. ’’  
  


His old superiors walked in and he sighed;  
‘’Great.’’


	3. Chuck's plan

‘’I though we were storming Heaven…?’’ 

‘’Not on an empty stomach Sammy.’’  
  
Sam rolled his eyes.  
He knew his brother and he knew he was eating so much for a reason.  
  
They walked into the dinner, sat down on booth near the window (it’s easier spotting trouble that way) and a waitress came to take their orders.  
  
‘’What can I get for you?’’ She said while looking at Sam.  
  
‘’Just a coffee please.’’ 

She smiled and wrote it down.  
She looked at Dean and Sam could easily read her face.  
Seems like Dean still has it.. This was going to be interesting to say the least.  
  
‘’What can I get for you sweetie?’’ 

‘’Burger and some fries.’’  
  
Dean didn’t bothering looking up from the menu and the waitress looked disappointed.  
  
‘’You want something to drink with that?’’

‘’No thanks.’’ 

‘’You sure you don’t want anything else?’’  
  
‘’I’m good.’’ 

She nodded quickly and walked away.

  
Sam huffed.  
  
‘’What?’’  
  
‘’Oh and now you look up.’’ 

‘’What the hell do you mean by that?’’ 

‘’Just that… she seemed interested enough in you.’’ 

‘’Oh.. that.. Nahh… not my type.’’ 

Sam knew better.  
11 years ago Dean would’ve had that girl’s number by now.  
  
Their food took a long time to make apparently.  
  
After 15 minutes Sam regretted that he didn’t order anything else.  
After 30 he was wondering why it was taking so long.  
And by 35 he noticed something was wrong.

‘’Dean..? ‘’ 

‘’I know. This is taking way too long.’’  
  
‘’Yes that too… but look around you.’’ 

Dean did just that.  
And while the dinner hadn’t been entirely full, it was easy to notice that nobody was moving.  
The waitress that took their orders was staring off into the distance in front of the checkout, the couple in front of her completely frozen too. And some people had food halfway on it’s way to their mouth. 

‘’This isn’t right.. let’s get outta here.’’ 

Sam and Dean stood up from the booth but when the door opened two inches, it flew right back to being closed.  
  
‘’Leaving so soon? you haven’’t even eaten anything yet.’’ 

‘’Chuck.’’  
Sam turned around and yes, there he stood, right behind them.  
  
Dean almost went to rush Chuck but Sam pulled him back with one arm. 

‘’Where’s Cas?’’ Dean asked after he slapped Sam’s hand away. 

‘’Straight to the point. Good to know you two haven’t changed in the meantime.  
Still no fun.’’ 

‘’You kiddin' right? How the fuck could we be having fun when we’re looking over our shoulders for your stupid ass?!’’  
  
‘’Because I’m fun!’’ 

‘’What do you want Chuck?’’ Sam asked.  
  
‘’Fine.’’ Chuck walked to the bar and got back with a glass of wine he took from some random guy. 

‘’I have a deal for you.. Well it’s not much of a deal. More of an order.’’ 

‘’What else is new.’ Dean said with an eye roll. 

‘’A lot. But that’s not important now.. I’ve written an ending for your story.’’ 

‘’Well, do enlighten us.’’  
  
‘’All in time. Because I know you two are not _going_ to like it.  
But… I have the upper hand, and I want you guys to know that.’’  
  
Chuck snapped his fingers. 

A tv screen appeared out of nowhere and showed what happened to Cas, from him getting knocked out til Zachariah and Uriel guarding him.  
  
‘’You fucking Dick!’’ Dean rushed God and this time Sam couldn’t hold him back.  
But when Dean went to strike him in the face. God teleported to stand behind Sam. 

‘’Let’s keep it friendly please. I’m not done talking. So shut up.’’ He snapped his fingers again and Dean and Sam couldn’t talk. 

‘’Much better. Now where was I… Owh yes. So, the part about Castiel getting human. Well, he’s a really big concern for me at the moment. If I didn’t have him so well looked over for me.. I bet he could mess up the entire plot… That would mean that I have to start over all again.. And well we wouldn’t want that wouldn’t we?’’  
  
Chuck looked at Sam and Dean and grinned. 

‘’…So that’s why I’m slowly draining his grace to become human.’’

Sam and Dean both started to make sounds that sounded like muffled shouting.  
  
‘’I won’t let it get bad unless you guys won’t do what I say. I can either leave Castiel human. And alive… or drain his life-force really slowly.. and really painfully while letting Zachariah and Uriel be artistic with him… If you know what I mean.’’’ 

Chuck looked at the brothers their horrified expressions and felt satisfied.  
He hadn’t even reached the good part yet. 

‘’Why would I do that you ask? Because my ending involves one of the Winchester brothers killing the other. Dead. No coming backs. Not while I’m around which is.. forever. So. You guys have 2 weeks. 2 weeks before I will do worse with Cas than him becoming human. Fight it out, see you soon.’’ 

And with that Chuck dissapeared.  
  
__________________  


  
‘’Castiel.’’ Uriel smiled. 

Castiel wished he could just ignore his brothers…  
But he had told himself he was going to stand his ground.  
So he looked Uriel straight in the face and said:  
  
‘’Good to know that even after all these years, you still can’t face me alone.’’  
  
‘’Oh you little bastard!’’  
Uriel was in front of Castiel and raising his fist in less than 2 seconds. 

‘’You will see where that doomed Winchester attitude will bring you! And you will not like it!’’  
He punched Castiel in the face, 1 time, 2 time, and when Castiel started to see double Zachariah jumped in.  
  
‘’Enough! That’s quite enough Uriel.’’  
  
Castiel spat out the blood that had formed in his mouth, and it landed right in front of Zachariah’s shoes. (He went for the shoes, but his aim had taken a toll when Uriel had beaten the shit out of him).

Zachariah had to take a breath to control himself and Castiel was sure he was convincing himself that killing him was not worth Chuck’s wrath.  
  
‘’So what will you do when _Father _comes back? I bet he’s not happy to see me like this.’’ 

‘’Well, I assume that nobody in Heaven is happy to see you except Father.’’  
Zachariah pointed out.  
  
Castiel really wanted to stick with his plan.  
But right now. The thing he wanted more than honour, was to get out of here and get back to Dean.  
Castiel didn’t like the way Chuck had looked when he talked about him.  
So if Chuck was playing nasty, he was going to play nasty too.  
  
‘’He does seem to have special plans for me.. Huh. At least both of your endings will be quick. Painless not so much.’’  
  
So his new plan was to annoy the living shit out of Zachariah and Uriel, see who loses their tamper first, have god be mad at the both of them, and use his own blood to slip and kick his way out of his Enochian-cuffs.  
  
‘’We brought you here. You’re still alive. I’m sure Chuck will understand when we remind him how infuriating you really are.’’ Zachariah said, still keeping himself calm.  
  
Castiel laughed.  
‘’You really think that? That’s funny.’’ 

‘’There’s nothing Funny about this Castiel.’’ Uriel hissed. 

‘’Are you sure? Because I think it will be hilarious to see your faces when Chuck comes back.’’ 

Uriel punched Castiel in the face again.  
  
‘’That- …all you got?’’ Castiel grunted.  
  
‘’Stop.’’ Zachariah ordered. 

‘’What? Someone needs to teach Castiel a lesson.’’  
  
‘’I know… ‘’ 

‘’So? Let me continue on, I don’t care about god’s _games._’’

‘’…You’re not the right person to teach him that lesson.’’  
  
‘’What?’’ Castiel and Uriel said at the same time. 

‘’Go stand guard.’’ 

‘’But what about… ‘’ 

‘’Go stand guard. God is dramatic, he will come through the front door if he’s in a good mood. And he visited the Winchesters. So he will be.’’ 

‘’What are you going to do?’’ 

‘’ I will be reminding Castiel that he choose the wrong team. Knock on the door twice and I will heal him like nothing happened.’’ 


	4. Their plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey an update!  
Oh no it's another short chapter 
> 
> Sorry guys, I'm really sick and did not feel motivated to write at all.  
this chapter was supposed to be longer but I thought that something is better than nothing. 
> 
> I could promise that the next chapter is going to make up for that...  
But they say it's bad to make promises you can't keep so I won't.

‘’Dean.’’

The brothers had left the dinner and were on their way back to the bunker.  
Sam wanted to discuss what had happened…  
  
‘’No. Not happening Sam. No way in fucking hell.’’

…Dean was not in the mood for that.

‘’We’re not leaving Cas.’’ Sam replied fast.

‘’C’mon man of course we’re not.’’

‘’So.. you want me to… kill you?’’

This one took longer for Dean to answer he looked out the window, lost in his thoughts, and after a long time sighed and looked at Sam.  
  
Sam had been suspecting that Dean would want to sacrifice himself, I mean if things came down to it, and they knew someone had to go.. Dean would always throw himself into the line of fire.  
But Sam was not going to put up with that anymore.

‘’No.’’

‘’No? Wait- so .. what?’’  
  
Sam hadn’t seen that one coming.

‘’Nobody’s going to die except Chuck.’’  
  
So Dean was playing that role… against the creator of.. everything?  
  
‘’He’s god Dean.’’

‘’And we’re the Winchesters, he can fucking try to control us, he can try andact like were his brainless rag dolls, he can try and tear us apart. But he won’t… He can’t.’’

‘’So what’s the plan then?’’

‘’Nothing’s changed. We’re getting Cas back and we’re beating Chucks ass.’’  
_________

Sam didn’t actually know how unsure Dean was about the whole situation.  
They had fought heavy, seemingly unwin-able battles. But this one.. it couldn’t be won.  
Dean didn’t know where to begin… Yes. Heaven seemed like a good place, but what would they do when they got there?  
  
And now, sitting at the bunkermap, the bunker looked so empty without Cas.  
Dean misses him.  
He used to barely notice when Cas left, because he knew that he would be back. Dean was already feeling guilty about the fight, and then he got taken… That guilt mixed with anger.. sadness…maybe even desperation.  
He needed to know Cas was okay. And he needed to know now.

Dean got an idea.  
He had no clue If Cas was going to be able to hear him.. but he couldn’t keep doing nothing.

he had no idea what was happening to Cas at this moment.  
Maybe the angel could use some hope.  
  
‘’Hey Buddy…’’  
  
Dean sighed. That word didn’t feel right anymore.

‘’…Sam and me are trying to get to you. We’re going to fix this.  
But.. that’s not all I wanted to say to you..’’  
  
Praying was so hard. Normally you waited for a response, but now you couldn’t see how the other person was feeling, and although it was already hard to tell with Cas, Dean was scared he was going to say the wrong things.  
  
‘’I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being an asshole to you lately. I know Jack’s death was hard on you and I had no right to blame you for Mary. You did more for us than she did.  
I guess.. I was just scared. Scared of facing- .. ‘’

Dean couldn’t do it like this.  
What if Cas didn’t feel the same?  
  
‘’.. I don’t know. What I do know is that Chuck thinks you can fuck things up real good for him. And I know you can. We’re coming to help you with it. But.. what I’m trying to say is.. hang in there. Don’t give up. We’re going to keep fighting. You know the drill.’’

Dean could only hope that drill was enough.  
  
‘’See ya… Buddy.’’  
_______

‘’So.. what was your plan here Castiel?’’ Zachariah’s eyes glimmered full of incoming danger, how they managed to do that in a brightly lighted white room, Castiel could not answer.

‘’I have no plan.’’ Castiel wished he was lying, but now that being stubborn didn’t work, he figured that playing stupid would probably be the next best thing, even though he knew he wasn’t going to get out of here unarmed.  
  
‘’You know what god is doing to you at this very moment?’’  
  
Castiel knew.  
He could feel his grace starting to weaken, faster than it had before.  
Because it had been malfunctioning quite a lot lately.  
  
‘’Yes.’’  
  
‘’So you know that I can really make you scream right now?’’

''Do your worst.''

‘’Owh you stupid angel… I’m going to enjoy taking that rebel feature of your hands. After I’m done with you, falling seems like a walk in the park.’’  
  
___________________


	5. Words and weapons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING  
Torture/ graphic violence

  
When Zachariah had told Castiel that he was going to make the angel (slowly becoming less angel) scream.. Castiel had a stubborn mindset.  
  
‘’Do your worst.’’ He had said deviantly with burning eyes and a deadly stare.  
  
But at this very moment, he was having difficulties with not screaming.  
  
Zachariah had started with just an angel blade.  
  
No problem. Castiel had been been up against those a million times before.

Then Zachariah decided it was time to switch things up.  
  
He had snapped his finger and Castiel’s blouse disappeared and the angel was chained to the ceiling, with his toes just barely reaching the ground.

Zachariah went to stand behind Cas and started to whip his back with a scourge made of melted down angel blades.

Castiel had to bite back his screams. But he managed to not make a sound.  
  
Zachariah seems impressed at that one. And it gave Castiel a small amount of satisfaction to see the surprise on his face.

After that, Zachariah went to get something new.  
  
Castiel sagged in the chains and tried to ignore the burning off his back.  
He already had scars from when he fell and his wings disappeared, but now- he was going to have to life with countless other ones.. If he even got out of here alive.  
  
He just wanted to give up.  
To let god kill him and let it be done with.  
Dean and Sam would probably be better off without him and none of the two brothers would have to die.

It was at that moment.. Castiel felt something far away.  
It was distant, and not as loud as it normally was.

But he could hear it non the less, and he picked up on it rather fast.

_‘’Hey Buddy…’’ _  
  
Cas didn’t particular like it when Dean used that word.  
  
_‘’…Sam and me are trying to get to you. We’re going to fix this…’’  
  
‘’_No Dean, I don’t want that.’’Castiel whispered.  
  
Although his selfish side was glad that the brother are on their way… It was a lost cause.  
He was a lost cause. And he didn’t want them here. Chuck was going to be here any minute.  
And Cas couldn’t- he didn’t want either of them to die. Or see the other die.  
_  
  
But.. that’s not all I wanted to say to you..’’  
  
_

‘’..What?’’ Could it be…  
  


_‘’I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being an asshole to you lately. I know Jack’s death was hard on you and I had no right to blame you for Mary. You did more for us than she did.’’  
_Castiel huffed. Of course not._  
  
‘’I guess.. I was just scared. Scared of facing- .. ‘’  
  
  
  
_‘’Please. Just say it Dean.’’

  
_  
‘’.. I don’t know… what I do know is that Chuck thinks you can …’’_

Castiel could hear Dean say more words.  
But they didn’t register.

He still didn’t want to say it.  
Even when Castiel was alone, and being tortured. Maybe even dying… Dean still wouldn’t admit it.

And it was not Castiel’s father that did it.  
Or the scourging.  
  
Castiel was broken, by Dean’s lack of love.

  
And at that very moment, Zachariah decide to come back.

‘’That was very amusing.’’

‘’What?’’

‘’Castiel, do you really think that I couldn’t hear that prayer? It was very loud.’’

Oh.

‘’It was loud because Dean Winchester really wants you to know how much he is not going to save you.’’

‘’Stop.’’

‘’Sensitive subject huh..’’  
  
Zachariah walked away to dip the scourge in something.  
Castiel already knew what it was without looking.  
  
With a snap of his finger the whip was on fire.  
  
This time, he stood in front of Castiel.

‘’Dean.. he really doesn’t care for you.’’

‘’That is not true.’’ Castiel bit back even though he knew it was.  
  
Zachariah whipped him on his chest.Castiel whimpered.

Holy fire wasn’t deadly used as fast as this, but it was pain like nothing Castiel had ever experienced, And Zachariah hadn’t even used much force.

‘’He will not save you.’’  
  
Castiel said nothing as the scourge landed on his stomach.  
But tears started to form in the corners of his eyes.  
  
‘’And he.. ‘’  
  
The whip landed. 

‘’Does.’’

Again  
  
‘’Not.’’

Again.

‘’Love.’’   
  
Again  
  
‘’You.’’

Castiel finally screamed both out of hurt and pain and when Zachariah had dropped the whip and left the room, he passed out.


	6. Sobering up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Woaaah 2 chapters in a week? It’s like I suddenly came up with where I wanted to go in the middle of the night…   
So yeah I may just have written this instead of sleeping. 

‘’Sam!’’ Dean yelled for his younger brother, because the damn remote was missing again.   
And yes- Maybe it wasn’t the smartest move to watch a show he really enjoyed while drunk, because tomorrow he wouldn’t remember any of it. 

But let’s just say they hadn’t made any progress on breaking into heaven and they were running out of time so he needed the distraction.  
  
‘’Dean? What do you want? I told you I haven’t seen the damn thing!’’ 

Dammit, where the fuck was that stupid remote?

‘’You looking for this?’’ A voice vaguely familiar said as an arm reached over next to Dean’s shoulder with the remote in hand. 

‘’Yeah- Thanks… ‘’ Dean turned around and dammit. That’s where he knew that voice from.   
  
‘’I’m really not in the right state of mind to deal with your games right now Chuck.’’   
  
‘’Fair enough. But I had some news on Cas. I mean, if you’re not interested- I can just be on my way… ‘’

‘’SAM!’’

‘’WHAT!?’’ 

‘’Uhh… GOD!’’ 

Sam was next to Dean and supporting his arm within 6 seconds. (Dean almost crashed to the ground in those seconds) 

‘’I think your brother is kinda drunk.’’ Chuck chuckled. 

‘’Why are you here?’’ 

‘’I have an update on our favourite feathered friend. But I think this will come across better if Dean sobers up.’’

Chuck nodded and Dean’s face became angry instead of confused, and he was able to stand on his own feet again.   
  


‘’Much better.’’   
  
Chuck snapped his finger and the tv-screen was back.   
Once again showing Cas.   
  
But his state was much worse this time.   
  
‘’Cas… jezus.’’ Sam whispered. 

He was hanging in chains, covered in cuts and bruises.   
And although they couldn’t see his back, it was clearly the most damaged.   
A large pool of blood was right behind Cas (and still getting bigger) and every time he tried to change his posture to have a bit more steadyness, he grunted in pain because of having to use his back.  
  
‘’You sick motherfucker.’’ Dean said with clenched teeth. He was barely holding it together, but he knew that if he tried anything, god would just snap his fingers and he wouldn’t be able to do anything. 

‘’It’s not me that did this. I don’t break promises. But apparently Zachariah does, and he will pay for this. So will Uriel, but this is not why I’m here… no, it’s the next part that really amuses me.’’ 

They watched as Castiel looked up out of nowhere, like he heard something.

His eyes became bigger and Dean could swear one corner of his mouth formed into the tiniest smile.   
  
_‘’Hey Buddy…’’   
  
_So Cas had received it!   
Dean could only hope it gave him some form of hope. 

The tiny smile slowly faded from Cas’s face, and now it showed no emotion.   
Except for maybe the tiniest hint of sadness.   
  
Dean started to feel defeated when Cas said;_ ‘_’No Dean, I don’t want that.’’   
  
Cas didn’t want to be saved?   
Oh hell no. Dean was not having it.   
  
_‘’ But.. that’s not all I wanted to say to you..’’   
  
_‘’What?’’ Castiel whispered, his voice hoarse and soft. 

Here he looked hopeful.. and Dean’s heart stopped working for a second.   
But the look was wiped off his face as Dean didn’t go the direction Castiel hoped he was going. 

Then they got to the next part, the part where Dean had almost said It.   
  
_‘’I guess.. I was just scared. Scared of facing- .. ‘’   
  
  
_‘’Please. Just say it Dean.’’

  
Dean’s eyes widened.   
Castiel’s voice was so full of hurt.   
so full of despair. 

Cas was begging Dean to tell him.   
And he still denied his feelings.   
Because all this time.. Dean never thought.. That Cas wanted him that way.   
  
He had been so damn stupid.   
  
Why hadn’t he realised sooner?  
Now Cas was paying the price.   
  
This was probably why he had left after their fight.   
Because Dean couldn’t say it and Cas thought it meant he didn’t care.  
  
The next part was even worse.   
Because in Dean’s prayer he was trying so hard to motivate Cas..   
  
But Castiel was just.. not listening.   
It looked like the angel completely gave up.   
And it scared Dean more than anything else. 

Then Zachariah came inside and started to tease him about Dean.   
  
And when he got the silver whip out... Dean felt tears slowly tracing down his face, as he also saw them fell down Castiel’s face.   
  
  
  
  
After Cas had screamed and passed out Zachariah was gone, and so was the tv.  
  
  


The scream echoed in the room, and both Sam and Dean were silent for a moment before Sam said ; ‘’He scourged him. With holy fire.’’ while not being able to look at Chuck.   
  


‘’And the scourge was made out of melted down angel blades. But that’s not the point..’’ 

That must’ve been hell for Cas, Dean thought, and he still only screamed once.   
The angel was so freaking strong, even when he was getting more human with each minute passing, he was still so strong.   
  
‘He does not love you…mmmhh,Dean?’’   
  
‘’What the fuck do you want?’’Dean’s voice trembled with anger.   
  
‘’Is that true? Do you not love Castiel.. do you .. maybe even.. hate him?’’ 

‘’No. And you fucking know it! And apparently.. So does Zachariah.. You.. you let this happen! You enjoyed this! He doesn’t know! I couldn’t say it.. but.. I- i.. ‘’   
  
‘’Yes Dean? Can you say it now? When you couldn’t say it to him when he needed to hear it.. Can you say it to me right now?’’

  
Dean was having a meltdown, right in front of god. And he couldn’t give less of a shit.  
  
‘Yes I fucking love him! But he doesn’t deserve me…and he doesn’t deserve you either you fucking psychopath! He certainly does not deserve what Zachariah did to him.Cas is everything good in this doomed world which you messed up. He tries so hard and never gives up. And the fact that you made him.. That is so fucking wrong! And it means the end for you.’’   
  
‘’Let this be a final warning. Your angel is still alive. I will keep it that way. But only if you remember our deal…’’

‘’No. You’re dead. And I will be the one to kill you, that’s a damn promise.’’ 

‘’Dean.. praying to him was smart. I’ll give you that.’’  
Chuck made a fist. And Dean started to choke.

‘’Dean!’’ Sam yelled as his brother collapsed.   
He hugged his brother close to him and held him as he gasped. 

‘’I won’t allow it to happen again. The line is dead. And it will stay that way. Castiel will never know you loved him back.’’ 

Chuck’s mood shifted and became cheerful.   
  
‘’See you two soon! Or.. if you want to see our soon human birdy again. I’ll see one of you soon!’’ 

And with that, Chuck was gone.   
And Dean breathed. 

‘’Dean?’’

His brother just shook his head and buried himself in Sam’s shoulder as if it was his last lifeline  
Dean was sick of acting like everything was fine. 

He had just seen it was so obviously not. 

He couldn’t stop crying. 

And Sam just held him through it. 

‘’It’s okay. I know. We’ll find him. Believe me Dean, we’ll kill Chuck for this.’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter came so easy for me, I barely had to think about it.   
Yet I think this is my favourite one yet, which is weird because Cas is not technically in it. 
> 
> I think that Dean’s breakdown is long overdue, and since she show cut every single scene of Sam worrying about Cas, I made it clear that YES SAM DOES CARE, Sam cares a lot, but he shoves his emotions aside a lot of the times because he needs to help others. Anyways, I love to hear what you guys thought of this chapter, or the story all together. So don’t be scared to leave a comment or a Kudo <3   
And if you don’t, I still really appreciate you reading this fic. :)


	7. Chuck knows best

Chuck was in a bad mood.  
  
First Zachariah and Uriel disobeyed his DIRECT order, and then he goes to check on the Winchesters.. and they still haven’t decided.

He is writing the story so that when the time comes, Dean will sacrifice himself.  
  
Because as he told the brothers, Cas can’t know that Dean loves him back.  
That would shatter his already broken heart.  
  
But the Winchesters are taking more time to choose than expected.  
  
Maybe he has less of a hold over them than he thought.  
Or even worse..maybe… just maybe, Castiel’s defiance has jumped over to them.  
  
Chuck was going to have to figure that out later.  
Right now, he had an angel waiting for him.  
  
‘’Castiel!’’ Chuck yelled happily as he flew the doors open of Castiel’s room and walked inside.  
  
The angel was still in chains, and seemed to just have regained consciousness.  
He raised his head slightly, frowned at chuck, and let his head back down again.  
  
‘’They really did a number on you huh?’’ Chuck said as he took in the angels injuries.  
They were worse in real life, on the tv screen it didn’t look half as bad as this.  
  
Castiel didn’t reply, Chuck wasn’t even sure if he had heard him.  
  
‘’Poor angel…’’ Chuck found it amusing calling him that, because at this point, he was more human than angel.  
It was even more amusing, because what nobody knew, not even the Winchesters, was that the grace Castiel was losing, Chuck gained.  
  
And lets just say that he really needed the power juice.  
And it doesn’t hurt that it tastes amazing.  
  
‘’Don’t worry I’m here to fix you.’’  
  
Chuck snapped his fingers and Castiel’s chains disappeared, the angel fell to the ground with a grunt.  
  
‘’Let’s get you back in the chair.’’  
  
‘’No.’’

‘’What?’’

‘’I don’t.. not _that_ chair.’’  
  
Chuck sighed dramatically.

‘’C’mon Cas, It’s not that bad. Besides I can’t just leave you here on the ground.’’

‘’Yes you can.’’

‘’Cas. Final warning.’’

‘’Go away and stop calling me that.’’  
  
I can't say that only because Dean Calls you that Chuck thought bitterly.

‘’Then we’ll do it the hard way.’’ Chuck went to pick Castiel up, but before his hand got even close to Castiel’s shoulder, the angel had pulled himself into the corner of the room while yelling;

‘’Do not touch me!’’  
  
God had a lot of patience with this particular angel, but he was getting fed up with this behaviour.

‘’Fine. Listen up _Cas_. I was willing to work with you because I fucked up on my behalf, but if you’re not willing to obey, I’m going to leave you here…’’  
  
‘’Do it.’’

Chuck rolled his eyes.  
  
‘’…Or, what about … you can do as I say, get in that chair- with or without my help. And I’ll let you sleep.’’

‘’..Sleep?’’  
  
‘’Yes. I’ll heal you and let you rest. You’re going to be human soon- ‘’  
  
Castiel grunted.

‘’-and you need your strength. I promise you, sleeping through the whole ordeal is a lot more pleasant than feeling the last of your grace fade.’’  
  
Castiel thought.  
  
Surely the angel would choice peace.  
The angel couldn’t keep fighting him for no reason forever.  
And after Dean’s prayer, he really had nothing to fight for left.  
  
‘’Okay.’’

‘’I knew you’d be smart.’’

Castiel stood up slowly and chuck rushed in to help him.

Castiel shook his head.

‘’You can’t even stand. C’mon, you won’t make it on your own.’’

Castiel said nothing, so Chuck helped him stand straight and when the angel didn’t complain,  
Chuck walked him over to the chair very slowly, because Cas was still very clearly hurting from his injuries, but eventually they made it,and when faced with the chair a little hesitation crept on Castiel’s face.  
  
‘’I knew it must’ve been hard, but surely Metatron wasn’t that bad?’’  
  
‘’He wasn’t.’’

‘’Why are you so scared of it then?’’  
  
‘’Noami.’’ He answeredthrough gritted teeth.

Of course.  
That angel had tortured and brainwashed thousands of angels, but none of them had been treated as harsh and as much as Castiel.  
  
Still Castiel must face his greatest fears to find peace in his new human life.  
  
‘’Sit down.’’

There was no question in that sentence, and Chuck was glad that Castiel noticed that.

‘’Why don’t you get comfortable?’’  
  
Castiel grimaced, but went to lay down on the chair.  
He clearly hates taking orders like this.  
Some things will never change.  
  
Chuck snapped his fingers and Castiel was restrained on it.  
Betrayal showed on Castiel’s face instantly and he pulled against the restrains weakly.  
  
‘’Sorry, those are necessary, can’t have you waking up and trying to escape.’’   
  
‘’Like I would get anywhere.’’ Castiel sighed.

‘’Yes, you are a stubborn little creature and I have the feeling that all that pain will only test you to try your limits. That’s why I’m healing you next. Give me your hand.’’  
  
Castiel frowned, Chuck’s faced shifted and the angel obeyed quick after that.  
  
A glow lit up the room, and Castiel’s eyes shone a very dim, barely noticeable blue.  
  
But Chuck noticed.  
  
And he hungered for it.  
  
‘’Let’s get you to sleep.’’

‘’Can- Can’t I just stay awake?’’  
  
‘’You can. But you will be in pain once your grace leaves you. And it’s not fast. It’s nothing like you experienced with Metatron.’’  
  
Castiel nodded.  
  
Chuck took his hand again and a calmer, whiter light filled the room, after it was gone Castiel’s eyelids had closed and Chuck left the room.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It gets worse before it get better.. A few more chapters and we've reached destination.. happy ending :)
> 
> (Or I may stretch this out a lot longer like I probably will)


	8. Reunited

‘’Please, Father! Have mercy! I know I went too far, but he was asking for it.’’  
  
‘’No Zachariah, I asked you not to touch him. You ignored me.’’ 

‘’I do not deserve this.’’ 

‘’Yes you do. Traitors belong in hell.’’ 

Chuck snapped his finger and with a last shout Zachariah’s soul was doomed.  
Chuck stared at the air where a second ago, a once loyal son stood shivering before him.

  
He stepped over Uriel’s body (Uriel got the better deal and went to the empty, he didn’t disobey his orders directly but still didn’t stick to the plan) and went to take a stroll in the park.  
  
He needed to clear his head.  
  
_______________  
  


Dean and Sam had still been sitting on the ground in the bunker, Dean had calmed down by now and they had talked about Cas, still without a way to bring him home.  
They were lost. Ready to completely give up and call Chuck when out of nowhere..  
  
‘’.. Well, this was not what I was expecting. Am I interrupting something..?’’  
  
Dean looked up to snap back at the intruder when…  
  


‘’Gabriel.. You’re alive?’’  
  
  
‘’Woah, Deja vu. I keep telling you Winchesters, I’m a bitch to kill.’’ 

‘’B-but how?’’ A flabbergasted Sam asked.  
  
‘’I summoned my alternate universe bro look alike before we left trough the rift. He turns out to be really chill, not busy with the war there at all. We went to get a beer before we swapped. Felt kinda bad about him dying.’’  
  
‘’Of course you would befriend yourself.’’  
  
‘’I’m a handsome guy Dean, even I can’t say no to these eyes.’’ Gabriel winked.  
  
‘’And I knew I could never let myself down.But that’s a story for another time.  
I heard a rumour which I did not like. So I decided to come back out of hiding.’’  
  
‘’Please tell me you’re talking about Cas.’’ Dean said.  
  
‘’Yes, my little bro needs me. And dad hasn’t been himself lately. He needs to be dealt with.’’ 

‘’And you think you can match his powers?’’  
  
‘’I have a plan and some theories which I likely think are true. But I’m not one for spoilers.’’ 

‘’How can we know what the hell we should expect?’’ 

‘’You can't. But I know what to expect from you guys. I trust you. It’s up to you if you decide to trust me, although from what I gathered, It seems like you don’t have much of a choice.’’  
  


‘’We’re in.’’ Dean said eventually, after looking at Sam who had nodded.   
  
  
‘’Great!’’ Gabriel clapped his hands.   
  
‘’Then I think it’s time to deal with my dad and fight over who get’s custody of my baby brother, I’m rooting for me.’’  
___________  
  
  
Cas was dreaming, or to be more specific having nightmares.  
He was reliving every time he used his grace and although it was very traumatising, Chuck had been right. It didn’t hurt. It felt just like dreaming.  
  
Although he had only dreamed once when he was human and he had hated the experience,  
this wasn’t too unpleasant.  
  
‘’Cas!’’  
  
Suddenly he found himself in a black hall.  
Weird. He couldn’t remember this had ever happened.  
Maybe one of Naomi’s erased memories had slipped back?  
  
‘’Cas!’’  
A shiver went dow his spine as he recognised the voice.  
What was going to happen?  
Chuck was very controlling right now, Surely he would be monitoring Castiel’s dreams…  
  
Was god trying to make him feel even more bad about the entire situation with Dean?  
  
  
Castiel wasn’t sure if he could take that right now.  
  


‘’Oh my god Cas. We need to wake him up. What is Chuck doing to him?!’’  
More voices.  
  
There was a voice he couldn’tplace.. It sounded so familiar.  
Like.. Something save from his past.  
  
  
‘’Cas! C’mon! Wake up!’’ 

‘’No! Dean Don't!’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting real now guysss
> 
> (I may be posting another chapter in a few minutes from now) 
> 
> (I may be stretching this fic out a bit longer because I really love writing it)   
(I may even make another fic about the recovery part)
> 
> (but we can't predict the future now.. can we?)


	9. Past &.. future (?)

Hot fiery pain shot through Castiel’s body.  
He could feel his grace searching for a save space in his body. His celestial form was trashing,begging to be released to be free from this pain- and he could feel something else.  
  
But Castiel couldn’t pinpoint the other presence.  
Especially not with his mind foggy from the pain like this.  
  
‘’Get him out of those restrains!’’  
  
Gabriel. No- It couldn’t be?

But it could be.. just maybe..

No. He must still be dreaming.

The essence waved over Castiel again.  
His back arched, and he screamed until his throat was raw and the energy had slowly backed down again.  
  
‘’It hurts.. so much.. ‘’ Castiel could feel tears forming at the edges of his eyes.  
He didn’t care.  
  
He wasn’t sure who he was talking to.  
  
He was still dreaming.  
Yet in pain.  
Chuck lied.  
  
‘’It’s okay, I’m here Cas.’’  
  
‘’ n.. -ot real.’’ Casiel half screamed.  
  
‘’I am real! I’m here.. listen to me Cas, God showed us what they did to you.. And I’m so so sorry for everything, butZachariah was talking absolute shit...Because I do care.. I care so much…’’  
  
‘’You d-don’t.’’  
  
“I do. look at me.’’

Weak hazy but still ocean blue eyes blinked up at Dean.  
  
Dean swallowed.  
He was doing this.  
He needed to do this.  
For Castiel. (and maybe for himself too but that was not important right now)

Dean cupped Castiel’s face carefully, to not trigger the angel.

‘’I’m such an idiot for making you feel like I don’t but..I do care..and god..’’

‘’Dean.. You don’t h-have to..’’  
  
‘'I love you. I love you.’’  
  
Emotion washed over Castiel’s face.  
He smiled weakly.  
Then he looked away from Dean and whispered.  
  
  
‘’Not real.’’

  
‘’Cas-‘’  
  
The essence reached out for more grace again. And the moment wascompletely crashed with another one of Cas’s screams.  
  
‘’Dean, step aside!’’ Gabriel yelled.  
  
Dean did so immediately. He went to stand next to Sam and his brother squeezed his shoulder briefly as he gave him an understanding look.  
  
Gabriel placed his glowing hand on Cas’s shoulder and Castiel seemed to calm down a bit, gasping heavily while doing so.  
  
‘’You son of a bitch.’’

‘’What’s happening?’’ Dean and Sam asked at the same time.

‘’Chuck’s energy is in him. It’s sucking out his grace slowly before what I assume retreating and leaving him human…But the process..it’s excruciating. ’’

‘’Hey Cassie.’’

That got Castiel’s attention for a second before he shook his head.  
  


''Not real.''   
  


‘’Oh Chuck, you will pay for this one.’’ Gabriel whispered before focusing on Castiel again.  
  
‘’Don’t try to fight it okay? I will explain everything later, right now, just breath, you’re save.’’  
  
Gabriel placed a glowing hand on Castiel’s forehead, and after struggling a little more, Castiel relaxed and his eyes closed slowly.  
___________

  
Castiel looked somewhat at ease.  
His breathing was still ragged, but he didn’t seem to be in any physical pain.

‘’What now?’’ Dean asked.

‘’We wait.’’

‘’Until what?’’  
  
‘’Until God comes bac-’’

‘’why would we do that?’’

''So we can fight him.''  
  
''But Cas-''   
  
‘’Oh my god I know you're worried. I know your madly in love with my little brother- which by the way is a surprise to absolutely no one, and by the way you should still get my blessing for because you’ve been a dick to him, but can you shut up for one darn second and let me talk before I make your nostrils disappear?’’  
  
  
That seemed to do the trick.

‘’Cas thought he was still dreaming, I don’t know exactly what god did to traumatise him this much, but I think a big role is that chair he's laying in.’’

‘’What do you mean that chair?’ Sam frowned.  
  
‘’It’s not this chair in particular, we have a lot of them in heaven and when Angels like Cas sit down in one of them, they all mean the same thing. Pain is coming. It was a great way to make him question where he was, because I think at this point every angel born after me suffers from flashbacks with that damn chair in it. ’’

‘’Heaven is just as bad as hell.’’

‘’Yeah, It’s one of the reasons I left.’’

‘’Do you regret it?’’

‘’What? ...Leaving?’’

‘’Yes.’’

Gabriel looked over at Cas’s fragile form.  
He snapped his fingers and the restrains disappeared.  
  
‘’Sometimes’’

  
‘’I get it though.’’  
  
''Thanks Sam.'' Gabriel smiled. 

‘’You were close to Cas weren’t you?’’ Dean joined in.

‘’Cas.. He’s always been a different type of angel. It was what spoke to me. He questioned his orders right from the start. He was gifted, talented.. smart. And could see from a different perspective than most of the angels his age.  
It’s why they all secretly hated him.  
Everyone wanted to use those talents, to gain a great fighter, to gain a great spy, create a good teacher-  
But he was too smart for his own good. He got in trouble a lot, got punished for it and became less energetic, less curious, he had no one who understood. Because no one was going through the same as Cas. He needed someone to talk to. So I did. I listened. And then I kinda took him under my wing. ’’ Gabriel huffed.

‘’Quite literally a few times.’’

‘’Is that why he seemed so mad to see you hiding on earth?’’

  
‘’Yeah- And I was a douche. I Panicked, hurt him more by sending him away- But he was better off without me anyways. I would only attract danger… It was my job to protect him. But I guess you two have been doing that for me lately.’’

‘’You know. You’re not as bad as I thought you were Gabe.’’ Dean said with a smile.  
  
‘’You did a pretty lousy job though.’’  
  
‘’Hey, what can I say?’’ Dean shrugged.  
‘’We also attract a hell of a lot of danger.’

Suddenly Bright blue light filled the room.  
The door bursted open and thunder was to be heard.

‘’It’s Chuck!’’

A cold laugh felt the room.

‘’Sorry to interrupt this emotional moment but we're switching from the commercial break to the real deal.'’  
  


‘’Go!’’ Gabriel yelled.

  
‘’Oh Gabriel, dear old Gabriel. I’m not going anywhere. And Neither are the Winchesters. Or _my _angel.’’

  
‘’Say that again you fucking creep.’’  
Gabriel waved his hand, and the brothers (and Castiel of course) flickered for a second but were still standing in the same room.  
  
Shit, would’ve been way too easy wouldn’t it?

‘’You really thought you could just teleport them out of this? This whole thing is about them. One of them dies and I let Cas go. I can let you go too and take care of your brother if you stop fighting this. Stop fighting me.’’

‘’Huh. Nice offer.’’  
  
Sam and Dean stared at Gabriel and the angel winked back.

‘’But I decline.’’  
  
________________


	10. Nothing ever really ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boiii here it comes  
This baby is going out in the world

‘’You know. I’ve done more damage than what you saw inside him, Gabriel.’’ 

‘’What the hell do you mean?’’  
  
‘’I needed insurance, I had a feeling you would show up eventually.’’  
  
‘’You couldn’t. I’m smarter than you think and you can’t write me in your dumb stories.’’  
  
‘’That’s why I wrote you out of them.’’ 

‘’What?’’ 

‘’Not important for now. What is important for now…’’  
  
Chuck snapped his fingers. Castiel began to glow.  
  
‘’Is that I can end him. Not make him human, we’re past thatnow.’’ Chuck chuckled  
‘’One last choice…’’  
Chuck looked at Dean. 

‘’One last act for team_ free will_. Sacrifice yourself. And I will heal him. Completely.’’  
  
‘’You’re lying.’’ 

‘’I’m not. I will give him all his grace back. He can live as an angel again. I’ll restore heaven as my final act. Dean listen to me… ’’ Chuck walked over too Dean. They stood face to face.  
  
‘’You want him to be happy, don’t you? He can stop me. You know he can.  
He’s the only one I’m scared of right now. That’s why I’m doing all this.’’

‘’Why are you telling me this?’’ 

‘’Because you know that if you die. Cas would kill me.’’  
  
‘’You think he actually can? And that you’re going to let him?’’  
  
‘’Nobody can life forever. Including me. And Castiel.. you know he affects my writing for the worst.’’  
  
Dean seemed to think this over.  
He looked over Chuck’s shoulder, smiled, and nodded slowly. 

  
___________

  
  
‘’No.’’ 

‘’No?’’  
  
‘’No. I’m done playing some role in your story. Stick those empty promises up in your ass where they came from.’’  
  
Chuck had been so focused on getting Dean over to the dark side,  
he had completely forgotten that Dean was not the only person in the room.  
And although Sam was still standing behind his brother, acting like he didn’t know Dean wasn’t going to give up, Gabriel had sneaked behind Chuck’s back to the still glowing Castiel, he had healed his brother as best as he could while Dean distracted Chuck.

  
Castiel was still out of it but at least he wasn’t glowing anymore.  
Gabriel still couldn’t figure out what Chuck had done.  
  
He had just pushed most of it to the back of Castiel’s mind, locked it in place and healed some of the damage it had already done.

  
‘’You heard him. No is no. Now Fuck off.’’ Gabriel growled.  
  
As Chuck was distracted by Gabriel, Dean took an angel blade out of his boot and plunged it in chuck’s stomach, he wanted to say something snarky and punch the motherfucker in the face for all the shit he put them through, but his first priority right now was getting Cas and Sam to safety.  
  
Dean ran over to Cas, (leaving the blade in Chuck’s stomach) took him out of the chair carefully, and carried him over to the corner where Sam was standing bridal style. 

They both looked at Gabriel. 

Who shook his head sadly. 

And Gabriel wished he could teleport all of them away.  
Teleport them to deserved safety.  
But he just didn’t have the juice at the moment. 

  
He would try his best to protect them.  
But at the moment it seemed like god was too occupied pulling an angel blade out of his stomach.  
  
This was his opening. 

‘’Call it Daddy issues, but god.. I never liked you.’’  
Gabriel threw himself on Chuck, and managed to pin him against the wall. 

‘’You were always my least favourite. You spoiled, ungrateful- ‘’  
  
Gabriel tried to control his anger towards Chuck.  
Gathered himself and closed his eyes.  
For his next trick, he needed to cross a big _empty_ bridge.  
  
‘’Brothers and sisters, we may not always agree on most things. But I need every single one of you right now….’’  
  
‘’What are you doing!?’’  
  
Gabriel sighed.  
  
‘’I hear you. And I accept all of you.’’  
  
‘’Gabriel stand down.’’

  
his eyes opened, then they glowed, first a bright yellow, then a fiery red, a light blue, and lastly a dark purple.  
A hand shot out and god was pinned against the wall.  
  
‘’Stop this!’’  
  
‘’Hi daddy.’’Gabriel’s eyes were red.  
  
‘’Lucifer?’’  
  
‘’Yeah, just came by to support good ol’ Gabe here. And to say. Fuck you.’’  
  
A glowing red formed around the hand that was still on Chuck’s chest keeping him pinned against it, burned out a bright white light. 

Chuck let out a scream. 

‘’See you in hell.’’ Lucifer smirked.

Then the eyes switched to blue.  
  
‘’I’m deeply disappointed in you father.’’  
  
‘’Michael.. please..help me.’’  
  
The eyes closed for a second. Thinking. Hurt showing on his face.(or their faces..?)  
then they opened again.  
  
‘’No. You called this on your self.’’  
  
Again a piece of white light was ripped from Chuck’s chest.  
  
Purple appeared. 

‘’Raphael.. You must see some sense here!’’  
  
‘’I do. You want to know what it is?’’  
  
‘’Do I?’’  
  
‘’That I fought against Castiel…’ 

‘’Yes.. yess! Same team! Gimme something to work with here!’’  
  
‘’I used to hate him. But now I feel for him. What you did it’s.. it’s monstrous.You are not a father of anything anymore, you never were for me.  
Be grateful that we are ending you swiftly. Although you do not deserve it. ‘’

‘’I don’t deserve this! Cas- Castiel is your enemy.. He killed you dammit!’’  
  
That just made Raphael glare more. 

‘’I’m sorry.’’ Chuck pleaded.

‘’No. You’re not.’’  
  
Again a bright white light was ripped away from chuck, it you looked closer, it was a little bit slower, and lasted a little bit longer than than the ones before it.  
  
Gabriel’s yellow eyes came back. 

‘’I call upon every angel that Chuck has unfairly judged.  
Finish this man, who thinks he can play our saviour, while he has abandoned us, time and time again…’’  
  
‘’It’s scary to see him like this.’’  
Sam whispered. 

‘’You kidding? He’s an archangel. He’s supposed to be scary.’’  
Dean said. 

‘’…Let there be no mercy.  
Show him what he showed you.’’  
  
Dean held Cas a little closer to his chest and both Dean and Sam shielded their ears for what came next.  
  
Because what came next was thousand of screams, flashes of light, thunder, high pitched cries, and Gabriel glowing furiously bright in the middle of it.  
  
After a big blue flash that stayed in the air, chuck fell to his knees, screaming in anger.

After a big white flash, and Chuck’s last angry scream he was gone entirely. slowly vanishing in the air he once created. 

The scream echoed in the room for what Dean thought was way too long.  
  
_______  
  
  
The blue light danced around Gabriel, who smiled. 

‘’Go on, your vessel’s waiting for you.’’ 

‘’I know it hurts. But he’s gone, he doesn’t hold power over you anymore. Then again.. I guess he never really did huh..?’’  
  
The blue flash bounced up and down and circled around Castiel’s vessel before going in.

And Gabriel’s eyes went back to their normal honey brown ones before he fell to the floor,  
exhausted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one was a brain wrecker.  
I now it's still fast between updates but I've been thinking about a good ending since I started writing this.  
And I think, yes this ending would be nice wouldn't it?  
Some old cameos, some justice. Some plot twist.  
But It's still not quite how I want supernatural to end.  
Because let's be honest. This show means so much to me, and people will say ''You can rewatch it.. right?''  
But it's not the same as waiting for that episode when you get home from a long day of school. Waiting for it all day and avoiding (then saying fuck it) spoilers on social media.  
Smiling when something happens you didn't expect.  
Or crying for that matter. 
> 
> God I love this show.  
I'm so thankful for the good memories it gave me.  
(which mostly concist of forcing people to watch it with me, and pulling me up when I was at my lowest and needed something save) 
> 
> But this isn't the end of my story yet. :)  
More updates to come.


	11. Sleep

‘’Been here all night?’’ 

‘’if angels don’t need sleep… You think I do?’’ Gabriel said without looking up from watching Castiel.  
Gabriel was actually still feeling pretty drained.  
But the only thing keeping him up right now was the thought that if he fell asleep, Castiel could wake up and he couldn’t do anything because he was asleep- and Chuck might’ve done something so bad- 

‘’Mind me joining you?’’ Dean asked, distracting Gabriel from his invading thoughts.  
  
‘’Yes, kind of. But go ahead.’’ 

Dean went to sit in the chair placed next to the bed, while Gabriel sat in the one before it. 

‘’So.. looks like you got custody.’’

  
‘’Looks like it, yeah.’’ 

‘’And.. ya know, thanks for.. stepping in like you did. You were pretty badass.’’ 

‘’And pretty drained. Now I can’t do shit anymore.’’ 

‘’You’re worried.’’  
  
‘’Aren’t you?’’  
  
“You said it yourself. He’s though.”

“I know he is. And I’ll kill god again If this is-”

‘’It’s not Gabe, he’ll get better.’’ 

This time, Gabriel did look up from watching Cas, to look Dean in the face.  
‘’Why the certain faith in my brother? Weren’t you shutting him out completely before this?’’ 

Dean smiled sadly.  
‘’Yeah. And I see that now, and it wasn’t only then.. It’s.. I’ve been treating him like dirt for a long time. Because I figured that if I couldn’t face me feeling what I feel for him, I might as well push him away.’’ 

‘’So what changed?’’ 

‘’Me. I changed. When Cas finally snapped, when even he thought we couldn’t keep doing this.. I saw what I had done. I’ve been so damn selfish. I didn’t think he felt the same way and when he told me how he felt…’’  
  
Dean let out a shaky breath.  
He was not about to lose his shit in front of Gabriel. 

‘’I just- I was too shocked to do anything about it. I didn’t stop him, and he left. Because of me. Because I pushed him away too far. Because I was angry at the world. ’’ 

‘’What makes you think he feels the same now?’’ 

‘’I don’t know. I just.. know.’’ 

There was a moment of silence before Dean spoke up again.  
  
‘’He’s amazing. Y’know?’’

  
Gabriel huffed, but didn’t say anything. 

‘’I mean it Gabe. It- it’s not men. I mean yes, once or twice… But not like him. It’s just.. It’s Cas. It’s him.’’ 

Gabriel stared at Dean, then back to his brother.  
‘’When will you tell him?’’ 

Dean stood up.

  
“When he gets his strength back. When we know he’s okay. I’ve waited this long, I can wait longer.”

Dean looked at Cas one more time, and walked to the door.

“Give a shout when he wakes up.”

“Hey Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“I still think you’re a dick. But you’re allowed to be his dick…’’  
  
‘’Gabe If you’re going to be like this I swear you I’m not going to tell you anything anymore.’’  
  
‘’You got my blessing.”

Dean huffed. 

‘’Really?’’ 

‘’Really.’’ 

‘’You know, you ain’t so bad yourself.’’ Dean said before closing the door.  
  
  
Gabriel smiled, and turned back around, to look at his patient.  
He didn’t expect Castiel to suddenly wake up, but c’mon, now is the time. 

‘’You hear that? He’s really ride or die for you now Castiel. You need to wake up.’’ 

Nothing.  
  
  


‘’Please Cassie. Pull through.’’

  
Not the slightest movement.  
  
  
  
  
‘’You can let Dad win. Not like this.’’  
_______________________  
  
  
Sam was getting himself something healthy to eat in the kitchen…  
  
At least he was attempting to, because the fridge was very empty and it looked like they needed to make a run right about now. 

‘’Hey Sam.’’ 

‘’How’s Cas?’’

‘’He’s still very much asleep. But I’m keeping an eye on him from here. Kinda felt like I needed to talk to you.’’ 

  
‘’What? You’re trying to make amends before faking your own death again?’’  
  
Sam closed the refrigerator and turned to face Gabriel. 

Gabriel sighed.  
  
‘’Listen, I know I did some bad shit as the trickster-‘’ 

‘’No, I forgave you for that a long time ago. I was talking about the times when you knew what we were fighting, but decided to do nothing.’’  
  
Gabriel looked at the ground, he didn’t say anything. 

‘’That’s what I thought.’’  
  
Sam walked past him to go back to his own room. 

‘’Wait.’’ 

Sam stopped.  
  
‘’I know that you’re all friendly with Dean now, and I’m grateful for what you did for us, but I still don’t trust you Gabriel.’’  
  


‘’I think that was Chuck.’’ 

‘’Chuck?’’  
  
‘’He gave me a vague clue about why I could never be there when you guys needed me.’’  
  
‘’What kind of clue?’’ 

‘’He told me he had written me out of the story.. But I maybe that’s been going on long before you two were even born. I think to some degree, he knew the entire plan from the very start. He knew Cas was going to choose Dean. And that’s why he wanted me out of the way.’’ 

‘’So.. you had to write you out.. because that way Cas would be all alone?’’ 

‘’Alone enough to trust humans more than angels.’’ 

‘’The more I learn about Chuck, the more I realise what an asshole he was.’’ 

‘’Story of my life.’’ 

‘’Okay.’’ Sam crossed his arm and looked Gabriel in the eye with a smirk.  
  
‘’Okay?’’  
  
‘’Okay, I will give you one last try. Now that Chuck is gone, proof to us that we can trust you and I will forgive you.’’

Gabriel nodded.   
  
‘’Why is it so important to you anyway-‘’

Gabriels eyes lit up blue for a second.  
  
‘’Get Dean.’’ 

‘’What?’’  
  
This time Gabriel stormed past Sam. 

‘’He’s awake!’’ Gabriel yelled as he started to run in the direction of Castiel’s room.


	12. Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A long(er) chapter! 
> 
> The road to recovery begins.   
Enjoy :)

Castiel slowly opened his eyes, there were other people in the room, staring right at him. 

He could make out 3 blurred faces, but had to squint really hard to do so.  
His head was hurting. Really bad, and he couldn’t remember what happened or why he was in the bunker instead of in Heaven or dead.  
  


‘’Heya Cas.’’  
  
  
‘’Hello Dean.’’  
  


‘’How are you feeling?’’ 

‘’My head hurts. What happened?’’  
  


Dean gave Gabriel a concerned look.  
  
‘’It’s fine, Cassie went through a lot the past few weeks, the last few details are bound to get blurry.’’  
Gabriel looked at his brother who was slowly trying to get himself to sit up straight in the bed while Dean helped him.

‘’What do you remember?’’ 

‘’Pain.’’

‘’Anything else?’’ Sam asked carefully.  
  
‘’I don’t know.. It all felt like pain.’’

‘’And… after that?’’ Dean tried.  
  
‘’I don’t know Dean. Can somebody please tell me what happened?’’ Castiel said annoyed, he was trying to get the attention away from him and the six guilt felt eyes staring at him along with it.  
  
‘’Long story short, Dean decided to wake you up while Chuck was still draining you...’’ Gabriel glared at Dean. 

‘’...And I fought Dad but he already had most of your real form inside of him, I had to cast it out before killing him.’’ 

''So I have my grace back?''

''Yes.''

''All of it?''

''You do.''   
  
‘’And Chuck is, dead?’’

‘’He is.’’  
  


‘’Oh.’’ Cas slowly reached out for Dean’s hand and Dean took it halfway.  
  
‘’Are you okay?’’ 

‘’It’s weird. It feels weird.’’  
  
‘’But he’s gone. You’re save.’’ Dean smiled softly at Cas and squeezed his hand briefly.  
  
Cas smiled back.  
  
  


‘’You feel something else? Pain? Discomfort? Anywhere?’’

Cas sighed. ’  
’I told you Gabriel, my head is the only thing that's hurting and it won't stop.  
In fact, it will only get worse if you continue asking pointless questions.’’ 

  
‘’I'm going to ignore that, because you never care about your own well being so I'm allowed to, and ask; do you remember what happened while you were _up there?_’’  
Gabriel demonstrated that last part by pointing upward.   
  


‘’Most of it.’’   
  


‘’I’m sorry.’’  
  
  
‘’Don’t be.’’  
  
  
Gabriel scratched his head.

‘’Before we leave you to rest some more- listen very closely okay?’’ 

Cas nodded.  
  
‘’Chuck told me he placed something in you, because he needed insurance.  
I don’t know what he meant by that or if it’s still there. But if you feel out of place, tell me. That’s really important okay? That you tell me.’’ 

‘’I will.’’ 

‘’Okay. C’mon Sam, I think Dean needs to talk to him alone.’’ 

  
‘’Take it easy Cas.’’  
  
‘’Thank you Sam.’’  
  
______  
  
  
  
Dean and Cas were still holding hands, Cas was staring at a spot on the wall and Dean was trying to summon the guts to start talking, eventually he did.

‘’Are you sure you’re okay?’’ 

  
‘’ To be honest, I don’t really know how I feel.’’

‘’Listen, you went through a lot. Not only with Chuck- ‘’

  
Cas’s face sunk at the name, and he became pale rather fast.  
Dean hadn’t noticed before, but now he saw Cas’s real unease at even the mention of God’s name. 

Or it could bethat Cas didn’t want to show his unease with Sam and Gabriel in the room.   
Either way, it didn’t matter, Cas needed to process, and Dean was not leaving him to do that alone.  
  
‘’Hey, it’s okay. I’m going to sit next to you on the bed, okay?’’ 

Cas nodded quickly. 

  
Dean let go of Cas’s hand to shove the chair away, but as soon as he sat down next to Castiel, the angel reached for his hand again.  
  
‘’I’m sorry Cas.’’ 

‘’I told Gabriel already, you don’t have to be, It’s none of your faults and-‘’ 

‘’I know but, If I hadn’t pushed you away you wouldn’t have left.’’ 

‘’He- he would’ve gotten to me another way. He wanted me Dean, so he would have done whatever it takes..’’  
Cas looked at the spot on the wall again and got lost in memories for a quick second.  
  
  
  
‘’He did it.’’   
  


‘’What?’’ 

Cas didn’t reply.  
  


‘’What did he do?’’  
  


Nothing. 

‘’Cas. Please tell me what he did.’’  
  
  
‘’He broke me.’’  
  


This scared Dean, he let go of Castiel’s hand and got right in the angels face to stop him from looking at the wall.  
  
The angel still wouldn’t look at him. 

‘’Look at me Cas. C’mon. Yeah, that’s it. Thank you.’’ 

‘’I’m not a child Dean.’’  
  
‘’But you’re hurting, and you need to talk about it. If you’re not ready then it can wait. But sometimes it can feel really good to get something off of your chest.’’  
  
‘’You never talk about what you feel.’’ 

‘’Because I’m dumb. But you’re smarter than me.’’ 

Castiel thought about it for a minute.  
  


‘’Okay.’’

‘’Okay? You don’t have to do it-‘’

‘’It’s fine Dean, I want to try.’’  
  
  
Dean went to lean back against the bedpost and took Castiel’s hand again. 

Castiel took a deep breath and started to talk.  
  
‘’When I walked out, Uriel found me. I could’ve taken him on my own but- ‘’

  
‘’Zachariah.’’

‘’Yes. Did he tell you?’’ 

‘’God visited us a few times, he told us some of the things he was doing to you, but it’s better to hear them again from you.’’ 

‘’Right. Well, I was stubborn at first, thought I could escape. But he.. tortured me. That wasn’t the hard part but he kept telling me these things… ‘’ 

‘’I know Cas. It’s okay.’’  
  
Cas dropped his head on Dean’s chest, and Dean started to stroke his hair slowly. 

‘’I didn’t know words could hurt so much.’’  
  


‘’I’m sorry I behaved the way I did before. Those words must've gotten to you too.’’  
  


‘’Thank you Dean, but I know you didn’t want to be so angry. And I don’t blame you for it. I just needed you to realise what it could do to the people around you.’’  
  


‘’Yeah, I realised.’’  
  


‘’Good.’’  
  


‘’You want to continue?’’  
  


‘’Yes, Chuck..’’ He closed his eyes and took a breath before talking again.

‘’He had a weird attitude towards me. It was somehow possessive and It made me feel really uncomfortable.’’  
  


There was a moment of silence. 

  
‘’Dean could you not stop stroking my head? It helps with the pain.’’

  
‘’M’sorry, of course.’’ 

‘’He talked to me a lot, never really wanted to hurt me bad. But he could switch between moods really fast, sometimes that was unexpected. But mostly he got angry because I told him things he didn’t want to hear. Or didn’t do the things he wanted me to do.  
  
Sometimes he would punish me with physical pain, other times he just used my wrongs against me, he also liked to mock me by talking about how you didn’t want me…’’  
  


Dean wanted to interrupt Cas right there, but he knew he needed to wait until Cas was done talking.

  
‘’The entire time I kept getting weaker because he was draining my grace, and from what Gabriel just said, apparently using it himself. It explains a lot, I could always feel him hunger for it…’’

Dean really was disgusted by Chuck at this point.  
Cas hadn’t even know Chuck was getting stronger because of him.  
He just took all that crap thinking his grace would be gone forever.  
  
‘’Eventually he made me sit in a chair and, I really didn’t want too- it’s hard to describe the fear I get from such an insignificant object but.. ‘’ 

‘’You don’t have to describe anything, Gabriel told me about it.’’ 

Dean knew that was an open wound that didn’t need any salt just yet.  
They would deal with it in time. 

Cas would not recover from this in one night.  
There was going to be a lot more of these late night talks. 

Dean didn’t mind though.  
After all the conversation they pushed back for so long, Dean could talk and listen to Cas for eternity.  
  


‘’After that he wanted me to sleep because I wouldn’t be in any pain when I would loose my grace completely.I don’t remember anything after that, but I had some weird dreams, one of them involved you- ‘’  
  
  
‘’That was not a dream Cas.’’  
  
  
‘’What do you mean?’’  
  
  
‘’I was there, but you were too out of it and kept saying I wasn’t real.’’ 

  
‘’No- but-.. That?’’

‘’We can talk about it later Cas.. You already have way too much to deal with. This can wait. I can wait. You hear me?’’

  
‘’But wat you said..’’  
  


‘’I meant it. I meant all of it.’’ 

  
Castiel smiled.  
He placed his hand on top of Dean’s and slowly moved it from his head to Dean's chest, keeping it in place with his own hand.   
  
  
‘’Focus on your heartbeat.’’  
  
Dean did so immediately. 

‘’Close your eyes.’’ 

Dean did that immediately too. 

Cas cupped his face and, Cas kissed him.  
  
Dean was so in shock that he almost forgot to kiss back, but when he did, it felt so right.  
It was a soft kiss, a slow kiss, a good kiss, and a long overdue- kiss.  
  
  
When Cas pulled apart he looked Dean in the eyes and told him.

‘’I mean it too. Thank you for listening. And I forgive you for being angry.’’  
_______  
  
  
  


A figure walked in the bunker when everyone was asleep.  
On his tippy toes, very carefully not to wake anyone.  
  
He walked through the halls until he got to the right door, opened it, and when he went inside he found Castiel and Dean very much asleep in the same bed.  
They were spooning, and surprisingly he found it quite cute. 

He hoped he didn’t have to wake Castiel to do this.  
He hovered his hand above the angel’s forehead and began to search.  
  


‘’Got ya.’’ Was whispered in the room a few minutes later.

Satisfied, the figure walked out of the room.  
Again on his tippy toes back to the library, because he still didn’t believe that Chuck hadn’t placed any side effects in Castiel, but he also still didn’t know what Chuck had done. 

He doubted he was going to find answers here.  
In the meantime he was going to continue helping and healing Castiel like this.  
The Winchesters wouldn’t want him sneaking in Castiel’s head, but it was fine.

He was just going to be very careful. 

Gabriel couldn’t see the problem in what he was doing.  
  
But he also hadn't seen that he forgot to close the door after he had left Cas’s room.


	13. One step forward, one step backwards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to act like I did not forget about this fic- 
> 
> I've been really busy and I think that updates will come with more time apart than at first, but the important thing is that I will continue this fic and also finish it some day.

Dean woke up because of small whimpers and words hanging in the air,somewhere close to him.  
At first he thought it was coming from the hall,but everything came back to him eventually. 

Cas has been sleeping with an arm over Dean- and okay let’s be honest here, they may have fallen asleep spooning. 

With dean being the little spoon.  
But no one except for Cas was going to know that.

Okay, not the point. 

Focus Dean. 

Cas was making weird noises in a language that Dean did not entirely understand.

Meaning it was probably Enochian, but not everything went lost on Dean.

He could understand a few words, but they did not sound good,  
_Stop_, _Not_, and _Father_ .

‘’Cas?’’

The angel didn’t reply.

‘’Hey? …Cas!’’

  
Time to bring in the heavy guns.

‘’CASTIEL!!’’ Dean yelled. 

He hated using Cas’s full name, it reminded him of a time before he invented the nickname, where Cas still had his stick up his ass and was still a full angel under heaven’s strict orders.  
  
Anyway, his shouting seemed to have worked, because the angel shot to a sitting position right away.

He was turning his head from left to right- and his breathing came in ragged, short breaths. 

‘’Hey, it’s just me. You were having a nightmare.’’  
  
Cas looked at Dean, and of course Dean had to pull him into his arms.  
The angel looked lost. 

‘’You want to talk to me about it?’’

‘’No.   
  
  
…Dean?’’  
  


‘’Yes?’’ 

‘’I do not like nightmares.’’ 

‘’No one does.’’ 

  
___________________

  
After a long cuddle session, Dean and Cas got dressed and ready to leave the room.  
Castiel wasn’t in a hurry, but Dean knew that they couldn’t stay locked in his room forever.  
And some fresh air could do the both of them some good.

  
‘’Weird.’’ 

‘’What?’’  
  
‘’I could’ve sworn I closed that door last night.’’  
  
‘’The bunker is an old building Dean, sometimes doors just open because they weren’t locked properly.’’  
  
‘’You’re probably right. Plus if the warding would’ve failed the alarm would’ve woken us up. You hungry?’’  
  
‘’I don’t think I need food. Most of the damage on my grace and vessel is healed already.’’ 

‘’You fell asleep yesterday so that means you can try eating now, and most of the damage is not all of the damage.’’  
  
Cas sighed and rolled his eyes.

‘’Hey don’t be like that! We’re getting pancakes!’’  
  
‘’Pancakes that will taste like molecules.’’ 

‘’Gabe can taste sweet stuff.’’  
  
‘’I can’t.’’ 

‘’Won’t hurt to try. And even if you don’t want pancakes, I do.’’  
Dean pulled Castiel out of the door by his hand.  
  
____________

  
‘’Hey Sam, we’re grabbing pancakes, you okay with not counting calories for a second?’’ 

‘’Nah, I still have some leftover rice. But bring some for Gabriel, I’m sure he would appreciate that.’’ 

‘’I would appreciate what?’’ Gabriel appeared around the corner, tv-remote in one hand and an almost empty bag of m&m’s in the other.  
  
‘’Some pancakes. Dean won’t take no for an answer.’’ Castiel replied.

‘’Sure he won’t. Mind me tagging along?’’  
  
‘’No.’’ Dean answers right away.  
  
Gabriel huffed. ‘’Figures.’’  
Gabriel turned around and when he was almost out of sighed he yelled.  
‘’Keep an eye on my lil bro will you!’’ 

‘’How long is he planning on staying?’’ Dean said while glaring at the empty space where Gabriel just stood. 

‘’He’s comfortable, so unfortunately way too long.’’  
  
‘’Okay, let’s go.’’ Dean took Cas by the hand again and the walked towards the door. 

Dean didn’t see Sam’s smile at the small gesture until he turned because he almost forgot to ask his brother something.  
  
‘’If you don’t stop smiling right now, I’ll throw away al your damn vegetables.’’ 

‘’Dean…The door is still that way? 

‘’I know smart-ass, but I remember something. When we went to bed, I specifically remember closing the door, because it wouldn’t lock properly.  
But when I woke up, it was open. You know anything about that?’’  
  
  
‘’No- But that’s.. Strange.’’  
  
‘’I thought so too. Maybe Gabe knows something. Or it was nothing.’’  
After that Dean and Casleft the bunker.  
  
Sam went to find Gabriel.

Because something was off here and Sam had the feeling that that something is an archangel who apparently- Doesn’t listen very well.  
  
__________  
  
Castiel was not going to admit that the pancakes didn’t taste like monocles, because they shouldn’t. 

He wasn’t in any pain he couldn’t handle- of course the nightmares had been strange.  
  
Angels don’t dream- they don’t have nightmares and they don’t taste food.  
They also don’t feel weird like the way he does right now. 

Was he stil an angel?  
What if Chuck did manage to make him human or permanently damaged his grace?  
  
He send out a small signal with his grace to Dean’s hand that had been intertwined with his underneath the table.

‘’Hey! What the hell was that good for?’’  
  
‘’Nothing. But I had to check something.’’  
  
‘’Thought you told me you were healed?’’

  
‘’I am.’’ 

‘’Sure. Then what did you check?’’  
  
‘’If you would feel that.’’  
  
Dean was taken aback for that for a second, but he recovered.

  
‘’Cas. I told you, you can tell me how you feel.’’ 

To be honest, Castiel felt worse than yesterday.

His headache had come back twice as strong, he felt uneasy, and his grace was shuffling weirdly- like it was trying to fight against something that wasn’t there.  
  
Maybe he should tell Gabriel about this?

Or, he really did pick up some short of emotional trauma.

But either way, he was not in the mood to talk with Dean about it right now. 

‘’And I told you, that I’m good. These pancakes are not. Can we go back to the bunker?’’

  
Dean looked disappointed by that.

‘’Why? You don’t like being out of the bunker like this?’’ 

‘’No- I do. I love spending time with you. But right now I just want to go home and rest. I’m tired.’’  
  
‘’Got ya.’’ Dean stood up, he payed for the pancakes and tipped the waitress (not because he wanted to flirt, but because she’d been really nice when she’d seen Cas and Dean walk in holding handsand some man, woman, and their teenagerin the corner couldn’t stop staring and sticking up their noses), and soon enough they were on their way back to the bunker.  
_______


End file.
